That day I became became my own hero

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I did some things in the last 30 days that really amazed me.

  1. I took over the primary spot of managing at work, although temporary, I never excepted to be in this position. I have learned more about myself in a few shorts weeks than I thought possible. University was right, I am capable of so much more than I believed. It is a wonderful feeling to have the complete faith of those around you. I never had that in a work situation before. I like it.
  2. I fitness level is at a level that I didn’t believe to be possible and STILL carry around this kind of weight. I didn’t really train for the Calgary Half Marathon. The Trusty Steed tried to talk me out of running the half. saying I need to be careful, I might injure myself, I really need to evaluate the effects of recovery….blah, blah, blah….We have had this conversation before. I now just ignore him and do what I believe I am capable of. It’s not like I had never done a half marathon before. It wasn’t my first rodeo. I knew how far it was, I respected the distance AND I know about the best ways to reach optimum recovery for me. I ran it, and I never felt better during a half marathon. Never – EVER. I recovered right away and went to work the next day and stood on my feet ALL DAMN DAY. You know something? I have the medal to show for my accomplishment. I feel more proud of this medal than any other I have earned.
  3. I have always been afraid a body modification. The thing about weight loss that no one talks about is the extra skin that doesn’t spring back into place. I have people tell me that they had no trouble. Well, I am will to bet they didn’t 100lbs+. If their skin bounced back, I am super excited for them! Way to go! It is AWESOME that you loo and feel great! That didn’t happen for me. I am at the point of no longer seeing my progress. The more weight I loose, the same way I look. It is kind of discouraging. I talked to my Nurse at Weight Wise and she suggested Skin Removal. It isn’t for the feint of heart. I talked to my Doc and he referred me a Plastic Surgeon who specializes in procedures BECAUSE of weight loss. He won’t even talk to you if you are a yoyo dieter or a fad dieter or haven’t kept the weight off for years. I qualified. I had round one of 3 treatments. Let me tell you, after going through the first phase, I CANNOT WAIT for the second phase!!!

There you have it, 3 things that I did that amazed me. Each one will get their own special entry here on The Edmonton Tourist and here on Me and Mo. Stay tuned because we both know how I like to share crappy stuff that happens to me and then I turn it into lemonade – or Dole Whips because Dole Whips are better than Lemonade.

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Ready, Set, MO!

A couple of days right after Christmas, I felt READY to re-commit. It isn’t that I was uncommitted or cheating. I was maintaining. Maintenance takes a different frame of mind from weight-loss. I needed to get myself off of sugar overload again. I didn’t super indulge over the holidays, but I DID indulge. I am glad I did. Why you ask? Because if this is my life or new lifestyle, I am not wanting to live without having a sweet now and then. It is about moderation. There did come a point though, where I felt if I did not recommit, then all my hard work over the past year would be for not. I did not want that to happen, I love the new me! I had an appointment with my dietician soon after Christmas and we talked about portions and protien…all that good stuff that I need to keep me on track. We did hope I wouldn’t have to go back to recording my food intake. The reality for me right now, is I need to still record it. I am not in that place where I am able to self monitor and still lose weight. I can self monitor and MAINTAIN weight, that is HUGE for me! The great news is I only gained 2lbs over the holidays. 2lbs!!!! That is already gone.

I met with my life coach tonight and we talked about the book Wired For Joy by Lauren Mellin, and how it is making a significant impact on me. The concept is Emotional Behaviour Therapy. I did a session on Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, and I think EBT fits me better. I am an Emotional Gal! Ask anyone who talks to me. I cry, laugh, fume along with a multitude of other emotions and then feed of these…literally. Eating emotions is not cool. I have intellectually figured out that food is fuel not therapy, however, in practice I still have moments where I struggle. I am WAY better, but I still find some days harder than others. The reality is, I may always find it hard. EBT is helping me find the tools I need to be sucessful. THAT is the BEST news!

I have been asked by a colleague to train for a half marathon – help motivate her because apparently I have it all going on… HA! Word to the wise, it may look easy but it is not. I agreed to do one. Then I realized what I had said. I said YES. HOLY MOLY Batman! I committed to walking another half marathon. I circled the date on the calendar and 2 other gals decided to join us. I marked out my training schedule and worked out my nutrition to see me through. Luckily I have an excellent dietician who is very supportive and helpful, along with my Doc. He thinks its great I am still going strong after one year of being so committed. That boggles my mind…I am still here after one year people!

I began my training on Monday. I wanted to see if I could run. Hmmm  My knee made me cry. I ran 1/2km and my knee (that I injured Oct 2010/torn MCL) prefers that I didn’t run. I will agree to it. Walk it is. I continued on walking. What amazed me is my pace. I was walking at a 10:20 pace. I never did that all of last year while I was training. This is where I am STARTING! At this rate I am on target for a 3 – 3:15 finish. That would be a dream come true! My goal is under 4 hours. I finished my last one 4:29 hr. I am very excited, more so than I was last year.

My Life Coach asked me why I thought I was more excited. I think it is because I have figured out the food issues, and now I am just working on “Stuff”, you know, the crappy stuff that makes you a better human. The stuff that we all hope our kids grow up without. The stuff that dreams are made of. I am fixing and dropping that baggage off, moving forward and training for my next half marathon in Calgary on May 27th.

See you at the finish line! I’ll be the one walking with Mo.

No Christmas Guilt Mo!

Me and Mo Visit the Life Coach

Me and Mo went to visit my life Coach this week. I just entered my 12th month of my life change journey! I am truly proud that I have stuck it out and made these changes for me!

Good Bye FitnessPal for Now, Mo has my Back

Burn the Calories or Eat Them?

Today was another big revelation for me. I am learning what works for me and what doesn’t.

Today was my counselling session with my Nurse Practitioner. She asked me how I am finding the Weight Wise modules. I had been thinking about it all day. I find I am not learning or gaining as much from Weight Wise as I am from my counselling sessions with my NP. Not to say that I haven’t benefited from the classes or Modules, because I have!! In the beginning I learned a tremendous amount about emotions and stress and how it affects my eating habits and how to self nurture. Those learning lessons were huge for me.

Last night I was at a Calorie Counting Module. I questioned the Dietician about “eating calories” that you burn off. There are 2 schools of thought on this. The secret to weight loss is Eat Less, Move More. No Brainer, simple math. The dietician was saying it is unrealistic to expect people to work out for an hour everyday because people just dont have the time. Fair enough, does not apply to me though. (I make time so I can complete a half marathon. Training for long distances means you need to go for long periods of time). I asked the dietician her stance on the eating your calories. She said I shouldn’t. Those calories can be used towards the weight loss. Fine, I stopped questioning her, because at this point I was thinking to myself, Pffffffffffffffffff what ever. It felt like I was in grade 12 religion class questioning everything. I often seem to be the one who asks questions and doubts what people are saying. I rarely take things at face value without research or logic behind it. To me this wasn’t logical. Here is why…

For example, yesterday I swam for 45 minutes doing a moderate pace for laps plus I walked 5k. Myfitnesspal.com says for a person of my weight I burned 1217 calories. To lose 2lbs a week I need to eat 1900 calories. So that ould leave me 683 calories for daily body function. To just lay on my bed all day and not do a thing, my body needs 1300 calories just for internal body function. That would leave me at -617. I would be dead of organ failure fairly quick if I did that.  The point of all this exercise is to live a longer healthier life. Not die.

Today I swam for 75 minutes, I burned approximately 1177 calories. I ate 2067 calories. Too low. I was suppose to eat 3127, but dinner was a fiasco. So, I missed out on the steak I was hoping to have and just had veg. I am short 29 grams of protein and can feel it. I will eat a can of tuna shortly and that will help.

I meet next week with MY personal dietician. I need to address this calorie/exercise/intake issue. I have a mental block towards eating all my daily calories, but have heard it will speed up my progress if I do. It keeps the metabolism firing on all cylinders. How weird is it that I have a hard time finding healthy things to eat to fill up on all those calories?27 calories for 2 cups of coleslaw mix (no dressing) is not high is calories!! It takes forever to use veg for the calorie fillers. Red meat is good, but I can’t swim far after eating red meat. I prefer fish. Again, not a ton of calories in fish.

The good news is I feel better. Eating clean has made me mentally sharp, physically strong, more energized and all-round more healthy. I feel great. Rarely am I hungry unless it is time for a meal. I choose better snacks and am always thinking about protein choices. Such a 180 from this time last year. I don’t recognize that girl any more.

She wouldn’t have planned a camping trip with her son for the Rocky Mountains. She wouldn’t have spent hours deciding what hikes to go on. She wouldn’t be making her son go out and walk to train for the hikes so he can keep up with her. I am demanding he be able to walk 5 – 8km easily. Most hikes we will go on will be around that, but at high altitude. 4500 feet at the townsite. The hikes are higher elevations. He will be ready by the time we go, I am physically ready. I just need to figure out the fuel equations to get us through the day on healthy, natural foods. I can’t wait! I love my new life 🙂

It’s Fun To Stay at the YMCA with Mo

Mo and I have made progress! I visited my NP tonight and handed over all my homework. This was my third visit to her and not one have we discussed portions, types of food, or just plain old food. Yet I am making progress. How you ask? Well, this isn’t a diet, so the need for food counsel isn’t there. Let me tell you about my homework.

I was given a sheet of paper that had 100 or so emotions listed on it. We had previously determined that I am an emotional eater. No brainer there, I knew that going in. What I wasn’t aware of is how often I am an emotional eater, when I choose to do it and what triggers it. That was the homework over the last two weeks.

The premise was every time I felt like eating a “non positive food choice” I was to put a check mark IN FRONT of the appropriate emotion on the chart. Then I was to eat the food and wait five minutes. I then needed to go back to the chart and place a check mark BEHIND the appropriate emotion. The results surprised me.

Apparently when I am stressed, angry, left to feel unimportant, frustrated I will emotional eat things like cookies, chocolate, chips, crackers, etc…All given a “poor food choice” label by me. After I waited five minutes I felt guilty or angry because I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that food because I was now aware of what I was doing. But that was not the homework. So I needed to let that go. The real feeling was serene. After I ate food I felt serene. HOLY CRAP!

The next big eye opener was WHEN I chose to do this. It tended to be right after work. Either the stresses of the day from work would trigger it or the stress of my family coming at me without have any down time. This was also a HOLY CRAP moment.

I thought about this for a long time. I knew I wanted to start swimming again. I knew after work was a big stress point in my life. So, I decided I needed behaviour modification. I went to the YMCA and bought a membership. I now go swimming after work. This accomplishes two things. I can unwind and de-stress before I see my family. I get my exercise in, and I am sleeping better.

I have started to notice my clothes are looser. People have started commenting too. I told my NP this. She asked if I wanted to weigh myself. I said no. It is not about a number. To be successful, this needs to be a lifestyle change. So does it matter how much I loose? nope! Does it matter if I know my BMI? NOPE! Does it matter if I keep this up for ever? YES! So far it has been fairly easy. I make small changes every week. Nothing huge. It needs to be gradual. Do I deny myself anything? No. Understanding when, what and how in regards to my emotional eating has made a big difference.

The good news is I need a new bathing suit – one that fits smaller. Mo can have my big one.

Hey Mo! Let’s Hang Out!

I had a lovely conversation with my Nurse Practitioner the other day. We talked about Nurturing and Rewarding ourselves. For some reason I don’t reward myself with healthy stuff, it tends to be food or calorie laden treats. No kidding…look at me! I had done all my homework and she was pleased with my progress thus far. My next step is called Nurturing Self. There is a list of things I am suppose to do that will make me feel good about myself, or at the very least I will enjoy doing. I made an effort not to have homework this weekend. I did my 9 hours of reading and wrote out my assignment. I just need to post it during the appropriate time. So that leaves my weekend free! The best part is it is a long weekend! Thank you Don Getty! I love Family Day Weekend! I comes at just the right time in this hideous winter season we are having. -32C bites.

On to the Nurturing Self list. On the list are things like “blow bubbles” – hmm, that sounds like work. I crack myself up! It means, I do that at work with the clients, so I don’t think I will try that for fun. I will go the the Art Gallery. There are some exhibits leaving soon that I haven’t seen. I found a pair of boots that serve no purpose than other to make my feet happy. I may go and buy those. I am opening a bank account to put in my face painting money. I am saving for a laptop, ipad and a trip to New York. I am going to sleep in at least one day! I am going to take my daughter on a shopping trip to West Edmonton Mall. I really don’t enjoy that mall, but I enjoy my daughter and she would like to do it. So we shall. I am making good my promise to her that we will do fun stuff together, and put the homework aside for a different day. I am Face Painting this weekend too. That I enjoy less than the other fun stuff, but I want my own bank account. Face Painting will fill it up quickly. This weekend sounds like I am heading in the right direction. My NP will be happy. I like pleasing her because I know then I am doing right by me.

Mo, get the Phone!

The phone rang today and it was for me and Mo. It was my Doc’s office. They said the Weightt Wise clinic had a two year waiting list so they have to do things differently now. I was assigned a Nurse Practitioner and a dietitian. I go and visit the NP January 26. She wants to talk to me about the beginning process. After 8-9 months of the preliminary work, I get to go to the Weight Wise Clinic.  I’m kind of excited.

Today at work, I am surrounded by supportive people who are in a food battle with themselves. We all want to resist sugar and be healthy. I found supporting my partner empowered me to support myself. I avoided the cookies today. Small step I know, but huge for me. We talked about how our mouths wanted the cookie but we really didn’t. I have a brass ring thought in my head that I try to visualize every time I want to put something in my mouth. I really want that brass ring. I can do this. So my first step today was no cookies. Tomorrow I will wake up and set a new goal. One goal every day. I can do This in baby steps.

Brass Ring….