I have a really bad habit of going BIG or going HOME. I tend to be an All or None kind of girl and this has gotten me into plenty of trouble. At emotional eating group it was a trend for us, “I over-ate and decided WHATEVER – keep going!”
Luckily I am over that.
When I would plan an epic party, I will go OVER THE TOP and stress myself out with details.
Luckily I am over that now too.
When I would take on work – you got it! I would take on too much and eventually sleep for a week.
Yes – I have fixed that too.
I have learned the art of moderation in most areas of my life – except 2.
One is research, if I want to know something for school or for interest sake I will research the living daylights out if it. I am the girl you want on your team for Trivial Pursuit. I will learn things to the nth degree just to satisfy my thirst for knowledge. So when I have to let stuff go without knowing why – it is so painful it takes me awhile to let it go. I will think about it often.
The other is workouts. I will push myself until I am crippled. Stupid stupid stupid.
I have been in search of my Mojo for a while now. I go out for a run and just….can’t…get it together. I have no idea why and it scares that crap out of me.
My friend and I were walking last night and she asked me if I am scared I will put my weight back on. HELL YA IT SCARES ME! Two years of bad habit breaking and all it takes is one EPIC WEEKEND or VACATION and I am back having to emotionally release those habits all over again. I have realised food management will be a life long struggle for me and I am okay with that. What frightens me more, is not being able to get back into the groove of a workout.
Workouts are important for me many reasons:
- They make me strong and compact. Losing weight is one thing but being strong is another. I am the same weight I was when I went to weight watchers 100 years ago (I might be exaggerating about the time frame) but I am in a smaller clothing size and I attribute that to fitness. I am smaller because I have muscles. AND I am not hungry which is awesome because I was hungry every damn minute on weight watchers.
- I love that my muscles at rest will burn calories….oh ya….doing nothing and burning calories rocks!
- I love that little jaunts use to be big huge deals that were exhausting, but now I can run a 10k, do the gardening and go out at night. I have tons of energy.
Fit = Good
So here I am, freaking out about how hard fitness is lately. I am just so tired that everything is an effort. The minute I feel good do I take it slow and rebuild at a normal rate? HELL NO! I go out like a bat out of hell and push.
Yesterday, true to my word, I told my friend I would run, take it slow and see how I do.
I only did 3km.
I did it at my fastest time yet – THAT IS NOT TAKING IT SLOW ROBYN!!!
THEN, I went for an 8k jaunt through Millcreek Ravine. Granted we did not go fast, but walking is hard for me. It hurts, and it hurts my friend. She can cycle 100k in a day but walking is killer. I can run a 14k but walking is BRUTAL. Yet we did it.
So my total kms yesterday was 12k. TWELVE! That is 7.5 miles. That is not taking it easy.
I had yoga the day before and never stretched yesterday.
STUPID STUPID STUPID
Because today I am feeling it. I will pull out my foam roller, do some yoga, and get my stick to roll out my legs.
Yet there is something very satisfying about pushing yourself. Something quiet delicious about the muscles being cranky because you worked out. Secretly I love that feeling and I think that is why I will never completely give up Go Big or Go Home.
2 months until the Canadian Derby Marathon Weekend. I was scared yesterday but today? BRING IT!