I year ago today I made a commitment to have the outside me match the inside me. One year later I am still going strong! I must admit, I was a bit nervous about seeing it through. Past experience has taught me weight loss is HARD. It is about fighting with natural urges against your body. I was talking with a friend yesterday who asked me if I like bagels…hell to the YEAH! But I replied that I don’t eat them any more. I gave up a lot of comfort food this year. Do I miss it? Yes and no. I have reached the point in my life changes strategies where I don’t deny myself the yummies I want, however, I do measure it against the emotion of wanting it. I now stop and think about why I am wanting the food of choice. Usually it is because i am experiencing some sort of emotion. Food is still the nurturing component in which I seek comfort. Sad, but true. I am not sure if this is ever something that will change. I do not think I have moved far enough along in my journey to determine that.
This past holiday season, I let loose. I gave into the celebration aspect of food and drink. Sugar was a big one. It is in everything, including the wine I enjoyed endlessly. I did practice moderation, and knew when it was my mouth wanting and not my hunger pains. The next month will be a hard one for me. I need to detoxify my body once again. Say no to the heaps of sugar my body was allowed to enjoy again. I had reached the point where I no longer craved sugar. Suddenly, because of indulgence, my body is addicted once more. Or perhaps it just remembers the addiction that has always been present. Starting today, I say good bye to sweets on a regular basis, partly because there are none left in the house, and partly because my body feels sluggish again. I am hitting the pool with a renewed vigor, and will continue with my running goals. This is going to be the year where I run 5km without stopping.
I look at last years weight loss with pride. I am excited about this years possibilities. I do not expect to loose another 65lbs this year. I am shooting for 1lb a week. My health team thinks that is reasonable with the understanding that I will plateau and it will be hard. The number isn’t the goal, the feeling it. I like feeling strong. I have strengthened my knee to the point where climbing bleachers and ladders no longer pains me (it has been a long recovery from my torn MCL) I enjoy the feeling of muscles lengthening and growing strong. I love how I sleep better and crave fruit. The benefits of healthy living far out weigh the desire of sugar. I figure I have 2 maybe 3 more years of this before I can be on a maintenance program with my dietician.
I am not ruling out the possibility of banding, but I do hope I am able to have another successful year. I read this blog this morning I read Broadside a lot. I enjoy her point of view. I must admit there is some truth to her feelings of self denial. Yet I no longer feel as if I am denying myself. I suppose that is the truth of life change. I have when I want, but only if it is not supporting bad behaviour or emotional breakdown. I have been to enough counselling and have enough strategies in place to combat those emotions. Broadside made reference to a study by The New England Journal of Medicine. The study focuses on Long-Term Persistence of Hormonal Adaptations to Weight Loss. I can’t say it surprises me. It does offer support for those people in your life who don’t understand. Send them THIS journal study and tell them to stick it. Or be polite, the choice is yours. I no longer let the reactions of others regarding my weight disturb me. They have no idea what it is like, nor are they trying to be empathetic. It is my option to dismiss them and my choice to be heathy. I would wager a guess I would win any fitness test, cholesterol test, food knowledge test in any competition against the. But that is not the point. I am not doing this for anyone but me. If others benefit, great! I now love me enough to do this for me. A HUGE improvement over last year. Now I know, instead of wonder, I will still be writing/vlogging about my journey with Mo. She is the ONE person who has not disappointed me with her behaviour towards me. With Mo’s support, I will make the leap into forever.