Holy Crap 16km is far!

I walked 16km today. HOLY CRAP that is far! I learned a big lesson from my last soul sucking experience and these are the changes:

  1. Bring 2 ipods because your’s suck and the battery life is dismal – CHECK!
  2. Eat the right fuel – CHECK!
  3. Hydrate well before hand – CHECK!
  4. Walk a route that was inspiring and not soul sucking – CHECK!

I did all those things but…

I have been having a ton of emotional issues I am dealing with. I learned a few things about relationships. Care to glean from my limited vast knowledge? It does not matter how hard or how much you love someone, you cannot make them love you back. You have to accept it and move on, or your life will be filled with empty promises and heartache. Message received, loud and clear. My big lesson this week was ACCEPTANCE. I need to accept that I cannot change things. I know this prayer. It rings true for me today. Walking 16km with these thoughts in my head did bring tears to my eyes, but it also brought affirmations about where I am today. I am stronger than I thought, I am wiser than I thought, I am more capable than I thought. I am a goal setter and achiever. Thank heaven for that. The goals seem to pull me through the hard times and get me over the bump. I needed to rely on the CBT I learned in the spring. This prevented my walk from becoming a pity party. I focused on the party I plan to have on August 22. I am heeding the advice of Another Goal Setter and throwing myself a big party to celebrate my achievements. I will celebrate my 44th birthday, I will celebrate 1 year of the Edmonton Tourist Journey and I will be wearing the medal I will have earned from completing the Edmonton Intac Derby Half MArathon. I then went through the guest list in my head. I have decided to invite everyone who has been supportive of my year long journey, who cheered me on when I walked/swam/changed my life.

I will send out invitations about a month before the half marathon. I don’t expect everyone I invite to come, but I do hope some of you will. If you get a chance to peek at the guest list and notice your brother/niece/friend/coworker is not on my list, please remember that this is MY list and MY party. I reserve the right to celebrate in my own way, inviting the the people I want to be with. I want this party to be an emotionally safe event for me. Your favorite people may not be MY favorite people, shocking I know, but true.

Next Sunday I need to walk 16 more km. I will continue to do all those things on my list but I will add bring painkillers for my knee ( I am recovering from a torn MCL that happened in October 2010). I will practice acceptance and CBT to lessen the heartache this week. I am strong, I can do it. Besides I now have a support network that runs deep AND I have Mo.

1 thought on “Holy Crap 16km is far!

  1. Pingback: Food is Fuel not your Therapist and Other Things I Learned « The Edmonton Tourist

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