I have battled weight and self-esteem issues my whole life. Who doesn’t? Such is human nature – the self-esteem issues. It has nothing to do with my parents – they are amazing. Parents do the best the can with the knowledge and tools they have at their disposal. If you disagree, then obviously you are not a parent. You can try to imagine what it is like, you can empathize but you will never truly appreciate what it is like. Self-esteem issues arise from many outside sources. Peers, media, mentors, teachers, strangers, friends and family. Why are some people just mean?
I am at the point in my life where I genuinely like who I am. I have strong values and beliefs. I want many things but I need very few. For me to move onto the next next stage of my life’s progression, I believe I need to tackle my health before it tackles me. Not that long ago I had a conversation with a gal who is an angel. During that conversation I had a strong sense that my life would be finished at the age of 52. That is 9 years from now. Finished can mean many things. That could be the end of my second Act and move me towards the third Act. Or it could mean that is it – meet St. Peter at the gate.
The reality for me is I am massively over weight. I know it. There is no need for you to say – WOW are you ever FAT! Oh really? I hadn’t noticed. There is also no need for you to say, you should lose weight. Oh Really? You think I want to look this way? Do you really think that by stop putting food in my mouth I could solve all my weight problems? Let’s look at this more closely, shall we?
1> Food is an essential part of living. Without it you die. Cold Turkey is not an effective way to lose pounds. It causes death. When you quit smoking, Cold Turkey will not kill you. In fact it may prolong your life. So just “stop” eating isn’t that simple.
2> Go on a diet. Dieting is not the answer. I’ve been there done that. Will power has nothing to do with it. It is a FACT that you body does not want you to lose weight, it thinks you are trying to kill it. So as soon as you stray from your strict diet – your body will shut down. It wants you to put the weight back on. The will to live in stong in every single molecule on earth, but extra strong in fat cells. Don’t believe me? Check out the Capital Health website in Edmonton.
3> Motivation isn’t the problem. Tempting me with a new outfit or paying me money to lose weight won’t help. I cannot lose weight for you. Everyone goes through this journey on their own. You don’t like to look at me? Then look some where else. This is not about punishing you. Quite frankly, it isn’t about you so stop thinking so much about yourself.
4> I can’t do it alone. But telling me not to put that food in my mouth is not helpful. Telling me to move more, also not helpful.
5> I suspect some sort of oral sensitivity. I am not hungry but my mouth is. It’s weird I know. But some of you know what I mean. I think it is why people smoke. I may need OT support. That is an option.
6> I know I am an emotional eater. Stress, anger, unhappy – all reasons I eat. I need psychological support. Also an option.
On December 30, 2010 I phoned my doctor and asked for a referral to the Weight Wise Clinic here in Edmonton. My appointment is Tuesday January 4 at 6:20 PM. I heard about it through the most amazing and inspirational email I have ever received. It was from a gal I know – I won’t disclose more then that. You may or may not know who I am talking about. But if she wants to blog about it then she can – that’s up to her. But if she reads this ever….Thank you I love you 🙂
She told me all about it. The program is to work on a healthier me. I really am not caring about my size as much as I am caring about my joints and my heart and my pancreas. I won’t lie, I want to shop at Joe and get cheap clothes that look great, who doesn’t? I want to buy designer clothes too. Who doesn’t? If that never happens, so be it.
I also am going to start swimming again. I love to swim and I am good at it. The plan is to go after work before I get home. We will see how that works out.
It is my hope that I will be still working on this blog one year from now. I am not sure how often I will write on Me and Mo, or how much I will need too. It doesn’t matter, I’m not out for stats on this one! I know how stuff like this works. I know if I don’t make it the world won’t end. But I am done. I need to change. The person I have become doesn’t fit inside this body any more.
On to the next phase of my life, just me and mo(mentum)